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Crazy (Like a Fox)

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6/17/05 11:44 pm

Soon, we will be going on a mission.

I expected to feel good about it like old times, but I don't. We are to escort Sakura back and do some scouting around. Somehow, it doesn't feel right. It feels like being poured back into bowel that doesn't fit anymore. Our team has changed in many ways. In some ways it will never change.

Kakashi-sensei will always favor Sasuke. Sakura will long for Sasuke's attention and regard, even though he little of it to spare. And I will always be in someone's way.

Perhaps this is what an Hokage must feel. To be a part of and not a part of.

I think I'll ask the Fifth.

I think I just realized...Sasuke beat me. Sometimes, winning doesn't matter.


6/8/05 08:17 pm

The Fifth wanted to see me. She wanted to let me know that she knew that I wouldm't resist the temptation to 'talk' to Sasuke. I told her that Sasuke was my friend no matter what had happened before.

She pointed to my shoulder and I knew what she meant. I reminded her that she was once a teammate of Orochimaru. It was long time before she talked again.

I guess I've been feeling to easy lately. I've been thinking that I might have an edge or maybe people aren't looking at me the same. Well, I'm not thinking that anymore.

Tsunade told me that Sasuke will be allowed to leave the hospital... But that he will be under the supervision of Kakashi.

I can see now how stupid it was of me to think that she would allow me to hold Kakashi's position. I know her reaons. Kakashi is older. Kakashi is sensei. I'm nothing. Only, it makes me feel angry because, though I respect sensei, he has no experience with what lies inside Sasuke. He has not seen the transformation, witnessed the ... hands that grow into wings or felt the hot/cold of Sasuke's rage and understood where it came from.

To all of them, Sasuke is a freak...like me...like Neiji, like Gaara of the Desert. To me, he is Sasuke.

All I can say is that I will be watching.


5/22/05 06:37 pm - After Thoughts

After the visit with Sasuke, Naruto walked around the village and settled on a high spot in a tree. He'd thought to stop by and get something to eat, but he didn't really feel like food at the moment.

Sighing deeply, he wondered at the sadness that had engulfed him. It had actually started when he'd failed and broken his promise to Sakura. He had wanted to bring Sasuke back, but he'd had many nights to realize that it wasn't just for Sakura's sake or something noble about being a hero. Feeling the breeze suddenly brush past his cheek, Naruto examined his secret. He'd wanted to bring Sasuke back for himself.

In a way, he was glad that Sasuke couldn't remember. At least, Sasuke currently acknowledged him. When they'd had their confrontation, Sasuke seemed mostly determined to walk out of his life forever.

Sasuke had said things to him that had made no sense at the time. Something about power and destroying those close. Absently, Naruto rubbed at the scar where Sasuke had attempted to kill him. The pain Naruto could not recall. He vaguely remembered the closeness, but that strange feeling of penetration, even under those circumstances had haunted him. This was different.

Stretching out on the tree branch, Naruto gazed in the direction of Sasuke's window. Tucking away those thoughts, his mind drifted to the present and practical.

The circumstances were still the same. Sasuke had awakened and he had given him information. Having been in Sasuke's position before, Naruto felt honor-bound to at least answer a few questions for him and not leave him alone to wonder why people were looking at him oddly.

There was still the possibility that Sasuke would be banished or executed. At the least, people would want him punished in some way. Naruto understood that as well. He also understood how Sasuke's life would never be the same. He didn't know to what depths Sasuke had understood.

Sasuke had been the golden child. He was more talented, popular and admired. Now, he was on a level Naruto had been on all of his life. Naruto found it unfair. It was ok for people like him and maybe even Gaara of the Desert. They had been monsters for a long. long time. Sasuke was different. He wasn't used to the recriminations and put-downs. No one like him should have to go through that.

"Baka," Naruto said to himself. "Sasuke is just like everyone else."

'But, is he?' Naruto thought. 'As Hokage, it would be hard for me to punish Sasuke. '

Suddenly, the face of the Third rose in Naruto's mind. He smiled. The old man had loved all and for the first time, Naruto understood just how hard that had been.

Scampering down from the tree, he went in search of food.

5/16/05 03:02 pm - Private Entry

Sasuke's getting bored and annoyed. In a way that is good, because it means he's healing. Right now, I don't think he remembers what happened. He doesn't act like he's searching for power or wants to kill me. In a way, it feels like before when we were three and going through the missions together. Only, this time is different. Everybody is more grown up and everyone is acting scared and suspicious.

All I know really is that Sasuke's changed. He needs more exercise. He's tired more. He hasn't "changed" into his other self yet, and that's good too.

I'm going to visit him and see what I can do.


5/1/05 01:22 am

Sasuke's back. I'm glad he didn't die. He says that he doesn't remember things. Right now, that's good. Everyone looks at him like they looked at me and Gaara. He is no longer an admired monster, just a monster like us.

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